Femininity

Merriam-Webster:

fem·​i·​nin·​i·​ty / fe-mə-ˈni-nə-tē

The quality or nature of the female sex: the quality, state, or degree of being feminine or womanly.

While growing up, being feminine was a characteristic I had to hide, or else, faced being ridiculed, if not beat-down, and as a full grown woman, this is still an issue. While growing up, I had stylish clothes, the latest shoe design, and my hair was cornrowed, with beads, in a different style, every two weeks. During my teenage years, while exploring my identity, that was the beginning of my femininity, but because I was a young girl I had no idea.

Within all of that, my society taught me to NOT think I was cute. To NOT admire myself. To NOT take pride in my appearance. Wearing lip gloss and mascara was criticized as if I smoked crack. Dressing with style and confidence caused others to be jealous and want to fight.

I couldn’t be soft and speak in a sweet tone coming from South Jamaica Queens, New York. I could not rely on guys to do things for me because they became bullies and made the entire situation uncomfortable. Therefore, I had to have a little masculinity in my voice and mannerisms to gain self-protection. 

As a teenager, I saw my mother and friends’ mothers struggle with everything because they were doing it all by themselves. They were tired, often evil, and fussed about nothing. They were tough, and watching them while developing into a young lady, I became tough. I held on to that behavior well into adulthood and then I changed. I can’t remember why or when the switch came, but I welcomed it when it appeared. I was a bit surprised at myself but the transformation felt comfortable.

At the beginning of my transformation, I was single and living alone. I realized I had had enough of doing it all by myself. When I was in my twenties it was exciting and new. As I got older, doing it all became complicated, uncomfortable, and stressful.

Once I started to reach out, I felt relieved. I changed how I approached situations, and the results were in my favor.

I am not saying things changed overnight because they didn’t. It took years for me to let go, relax, and allow someone else to do the work while I lived in my feminine energy.

Overall am I now helpless? No. Do I act like a damsel in distress? Yes. Do I reveal my feminine power differently? Yes. Do I like the results? Yes.

Let’s discuss this topic. What is femininity to you and how do you use your feminine power? Men and women are welcome to answer.