Betrayal

On Vocabulary.com, betrayal means “an act of deliberate disloyalty,” like when your friend tells other people all your secrets. What a betrayal!

I have experienced betrayal more times than I care to remember. Trusted people have fooled me, and like how the full Moon always rises near sunset, I have always stepped back from the ones who caused the betrayal or just cut off communication altogether. Maybe it is the Aquarian in me but I find it hard to vibe completely the same as before.

I have been let down by family, friends, significant others, roommates, neighbors, tenants, advisors, co-workers, bosses, etc. You name it. I experienced it. What I learned from all of that is how to win in the end. I look unbothered. I look pretty. I dress stylishly. I practice self-care. I clean my house. I wash my car. I get my shoes and purses repaired. I organize my workspace. My hair stays cute. I purchase makeup and wear different colors every day. I journal. Those exercises increase my vibration even more which helps me to be unbothered and move forward without consuming myself of the betrayal.

One of my favorite Biblical verses is Matthew 6:16-18 New Living Translation (NLT) “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”

Following my self-care activities and the biblical verse shows my betrayer that they cannot break me. The traitor sees all of that and doesn’t like it. I win.

Can there be forgiveness after betrayal? Of course. Forgiveness should come when comfortable to do so. Forgiving out of pity or because they said ‘sorry’ is unhealthy. If forgiveness doesn’t come because the trust is gone, and that person serves no significant role in your life, and if they do, the trust is just gone, then it is okay to feel that way. As long as the betrayal is not consumed every day, and moving on is in the process, there is nothing wrong with not forgiving a betrayer.

It took me a long time to understand that feeling. Honestly, I discovered it a few years ago when watching an episode of “Iyanla, Fix My Life” starring Iyanla Vanzant. Iyanla told her client they did not have to forgive the person who betrayed them. That’s when it hit me. I was doing it all wrong. While growing up, I was told I had to forgive, with or without an apology, even if I knew the apology was not sincere. From that, my forgiveness wasn’t real. It was forced and I didn’t heal the way I should have. Forced forgiveness also caused betrayal by the same people multiple times.

Now that that cycle is broken, I am healing correctly, and angry thoughts of betrayal do not consume me anymore. Some relationships have recovered. Not at 100% but recovery is there. Others have not recovered and I am okay with that. After reading this piece, some may not agree with how I handle betrayal, and, hey, that is okay, too.

With that said, please, share with me. This is a sensitive topic but I also discovered that sharing is healing. Please reveal your thoughts on forgiveness after betrayal. How do you or did you cope with betrayal?

ADDED ENTRY BECAUSE OF THE LATEST NEWS:

As I posted a new article on betrayal, the next day, I learned about Shanquella Robinson, 25, of Charlotte, NC. Shanquella was found dead in Mexico during a trip to Cabo. She went on vacation with her so-called friends and they told her family Shanquella died from alcohol poisoning while the death certificate from the Mexican government revealed a broken neck and cracked spine as the cause of death. Video footage showed up somehow and highlighted Shanquella’s friend attacking her violently while Shanquella was naked. Another male friend videotaped the entire attack and asked Shanquella if she was going to fight back.

See this is what I am talking about. Betrayal! I am obsessing over this story praying those fake friends immediately spend the rest of their lives in the hole in a Mexican maximum-security prison.

I believe the entire trip to Cabo was a set-up to hurt Shanquella. As I watched a naked Shanquella get flung around and beaten to death in front of men and women whom all betrayed her I knew jealousy played a huge part in all of this.

I also believe a small part of Shanquella knew that these people were not true friends. They displayed betrayal before. Afterward, they offered a half-baked apology, and Shanquella forgave them. How she was beaten revealed something that was festering for a long time.

Justice for Shanquella, PLEASE!!!

#JusticeforShanquella